THE LAYMAN'S DEFINITION OF CROHN'S DISEASE.

(OR THE "MY IMMUNE SYSTEM IS A TOOL CONJECTURE").

If you know me then you know that I'm not a doctor (I don't even play one on TV). Now, many people ask me, "Just what is Crohn's disease?" Of course I want to sound all intelligent and wow them with my knowledge so usually I give them the medical definition from the Cleveland Clinic's website. But lately I've come to realize I should just explain it the way I best understand it: My immune system is a tool.

Have you ever been a part of a team? Almost always there is that one guy who no one likes. You know, the tool who has an answer for everything. That's my immune system. One day he was checking over things and when he got to my digestive tract he was all like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell is going on here? You guys are infected!" And my digestive tract was like, "What the hell are you talking about? Are you drunk again?"

And so my tool of an immune system sets about "CURING" my NOT sick digestive tract. This leads to the tissue of the tract becoming inflamed. That inflammation starts eating away at the lining of the digestive tract. Ulcers then form at those spots which causes diarrhea (which was my main symptom with some occasional bleeding). As stated, this is a layman's definition. You should be thankful, originally I was going to ask you guys to proofread the first draft of my movie script - Fistula: The Unsparkly Vampire.

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Ryan Stevens
Maumee, OH
Tuesday, Apr 23, 2013